🧘🏻‍♀️How to Get Away

Solitude Retreats: A Guide, and propaganda

I love you guys. There, I said it. If you can’t say how you really feel this close to Valentine’s Day, when can you?

Last time on The Diving Board, I pulled back the curtain on Year 1 of running this newsletter. I shared my reflections on what’s working well and what’s still under construction.

Several of you sent lovely notes my way, including great ideas for future posts. If you didn’t get a chance to share, click here for a one-question survey to help me shape The Diving Board into a great read for you in 2025.

And thank you to all who invited someone new to The Diving Board community. Welcome, freshmen!

Today’s topic: a yearly practice of mine that generates intrigue, befuddlement, and/or horror whenever I discuss it.

I’m talking about my annual Solitude Retreat and why you maybe could do one too if you want no pressure just think about it.

Let’s dive in.

*****

I hope whatever you’re doing 
you’re stopping now and then 
and not doing it at all.

- James Fadiman 

*****

Every October, shades of green fade to rust, the wind grows brisk, and a familiar excitement rises in me. No, it’s not eagerness for salted caramel-flavored everything, for tricks and treats, nor for the string of holidays perched happily on the horizon.

It’s the giddy knowing that my Annual Solitude Retreat is just a couple of months away.

For the past 12 years, I’ve dedicated two full days around New Years to a now-beloved rhythm of disappearing from society to spend time with my favorite person - me.

(That was a little joke. But for real.)

I hole away in a little cabin in the woods. I talk to no one. I do nothing productive. I relish this time. And I emerge, 48 hours later, remarkably more centered and hopeful.

When I tell people about this experience, I hear two common responses:

• “That sounds incredible. I want to try that.”

• “That sounds like torture. Why would you do that to yourself?”

Whatever your reaction, keep reading to learn why I think everyone can benefit from a Solitude Retreat. *Hot tip: the more uncomfortable the idea of a Solitude Retreat makes you, the more likely it would be a good stretch experience for you. Sorry.* I’ll also share how to plan and spend a Solitude Retreat, IMHO.

The Basics of a Solitude Retreat

• Where: Away from home, somewhere you can be fully alone and undisturbed, ideally close to nature.

  • For MN-based folks, I’ve done retreats at these two locations: Pacem in Terris and Wilderness Fellowship

• When: I recommend at least two nights so you have a minimum of one fully unstructured day of solitude.

• Why: To connect deeply with yourself and God/Sacred Presence/the Divine (if you identify as spiritual); to hear your inner wisdom, seek spiritual guidance, restore your energy, and move towards wholeness

• Best Practices:

  • 1. No technology. Turn off your phone for two full days.

  • 2. No productivity. This is not a “business retreat” (those are great too!). It’s not time for strategic planning or even writing projects. It’s time to visit with yourself.

  • 3. Follow your natural rhythms. Consider removing all clocks and allow your body to tell you when to sleep, wake, and eat.

  • 4. Eat nourishing foods. No alcohol, which numbs feelings.

This is not me on my retreat because I do not bring a photographer with me, but it’s basically what I look like when I’m retreating, except I would have a fuzzy blanket. Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

The Benefits of a Solitude Retreat

Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakes.

-Carl Jung

The world is, at best, a distracting place. At worst, it’s overwhelming and soul-crushing. In any case, withdrawing from the stimulation of the outer world to attend to your inner world is a gift we should all give ourselves from time to time.

The benefits you might take away from a Solitude Retreat include:

• Resetting your nervous system

• Finding clarity

• New insights and even revelations

• Connecting to your spiritual nature and the Divine

• Reflecting on past burdens, finding healing

• Resolve around a future intention or action

For those of you who, like me, delight in alone time, this Solitude Retreat thing might sound pretty appealing so far.

For those who think it sounds like the most insufferably boring way to spend two days of your life, I see you.

Solitude is not inherently better than social connection and active engagement in the world – not by a long shot. But many of us spend a disproportionate amount of energy and attention “out there” (caring for people, delivering at work, even consuming media) and neglect the space right here inside of us.

A Solitude Retreat balances the scales a bit and gives you access to parts of you that don’t get much attention in daily life.

For what it’s worth, the inverse is true for fiercely independent types. An Enneagram 5, for instance, may not be stretched at all by a Solitude Retreat and instead might seek out a group experience of some kind to expand their development. (I’m doing this one in June: The Alchemical Enneagram.)

How to Spend Time at a Solitude Retreat

*****

And then, all the and thens ceased.  
Nothing remains to be done in the  
Order of time, when all is still.

- Hafiz 

*****

In our over-scheduled lives, we often long for more margin and spaciousness. But give us two full days with zero structure, and we might feel a bit panicky.

In the early years of my Annual Solitude Retreat, I overdid structure. Desperate to squeeze the maximum amount of impact out of these two days, I went through an elaborate reflection and goal-setting process using the Powersheets system. I achieved the heck out of those retreats.

Thankfully, my therapist astutely pointed out that I might not be receiving the richest possible gifts of this solitude time. I was orienting the experience towards what I wanted to go back out into the world and DO, rather than going inward, experiencing stillness, and allowing for emergence.

Nowadays, I make a menu of options when I get to my retreat, and then I just follow my intuition, doing whatever I feel drawn to each moment. Here’s a sample menu:

• “Lay down the burdens” writing exercise (write down everything I’ve brought into the space: worries, struggles, swirling thoughts)

• Journal

• Walk in nature

• Pray, meditate, or engage in other spiritual practices

• Sit by the lake

• Read (but I do this in moderation with more reflective activities…I’m at risk of escaping into my books to avoid the uncomfortable feelings I need to process)

• Stare out the window

• Guided reflection activity like Hello/Goodbye

• Write poetry

• Spiritual Texts and Tools: I love my spiritual smorgasbord of the Bible, these Art & Wisdom Cards, and the ancient Chinese wisdom text called the iChing

• Make art

• Do a puzzle

Trust that what is meant to emerge in this time will emerge. It may or may not be earth-shattering. Stay present with yourself and your experience. Embrace the slow, understated nature of retreating.

What to Bring on a Solitude Retreat

Having retreated regularly for over a decade, I’ve developed a trusty list of what to pack for a lovely experience:

• Big, comfy pillow for propping up in bed

• Fuzzy blanket

• Lap desk

• Spiritual Texts and Tools

• Poetry

• Books to read

• Journal and pens

• Puzzle

• Art Supplies

• Candles

• Flowers

• Easy prep food (although some retreat centers, like Pacem in Terris, will provide food)

P.S. The hardest part of my Solitude Retreat is foregoing my latte habit for two days. I’m forced to survive on mere coffee with cream. I tell myself this counts as a spiritual practice, like fasting.

Tempted to Get Away?

I’m curious to hear from you in the Comments!

• If you’ve done a Solitude Retreat, what was your experience? Any tips?

• Are you curious to try a Solitude Retreat, and why? Any hesitations?

That’s it for this edition of The Diving Board! See you next time.

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