I love you guys. There, I said it. If you canāt say how you really feel this close to Valentineās Day, when can you?
Last time on The Diving Board, I pulled back the curtain on Year 1 of running this newsletter. I shared my reflections on whatās working well and whatās still under construction.
Several of you sent lovely notes my way, including great ideas for future posts. If you didnāt get a chance to share, click here for a one-question survey to help me shape The Diving Board into a great read for you in 2025.
And thank you to all who invited someone new to The Diving Board community. Welcome, freshmen!
Todayās topic: a yearly practice of mine that generates intrigue, befuddlement, and/or horror whenever I discuss it.
Iām talking about my annual Solitude Retreat and why you maybe could do one too if you want no pressure just think about it.
Letās dive in.
***** I hope whatever youāre doing youāre stopping now and then and not doing it at all. - James Fadiman *****
Every October, shades of green fade to rust, the wind grows brisk, and a familiar excitement rises in me. No, itās not eagerness for salted caramel-flavored everything, for tricks and treats, nor for the string of holidays perched happily on the horizon.
Itās the giddy knowing that my Annual Solitude Retreat is just a couple of months away.
For the past 12 years, Iāve dedicated two full days around New Years to a now-beloved rhythm of disappearing from society to spend time with my favorite person - me.
(That was a little joke. But for real.)
I hole away in a little cabin in the woods. I talk to no one. I do nothing productive. I relish this time. And I emerge, 48 hours later, remarkably more centered and hopeful.
When I tell people about this experience, I hear two common responses:
āThat sounds incredible. I want to try that.ā
āThat sounds like torture. Why would you do that to yourself?ā
Whatever your reaction, keep reading to learn why I think everyone can benefit from a Solitude Retreat. *Hot tip: the more uncomfortable the idea of a Solitude Retreat makes you, the more likely it would be a good stretch experience for you. Sorry.* Iāll also share how to plan and spend a Solitude Retreat, IMHO.
The Basics of a Solitude Retreat
Where: Away from home, somewhere you can be fully alone and undisturbed, ideally close to nature.
For MN-based folks, Iāve done retreats at these two locations: Pacem in Terris and Wilderness Fellowship
When: I recommend at least two nights so you have a minimum of one fully unstructured day of solitude.
Why: To connect deeply with yourself and God/Sacred Presence/the Divine (if you identify as spiritual); to hear your inner wisdom, seek spiritual guidance, restore your energy, and move towards wholeness
Best Practices:
1. No technology. Turn off your phone for two full days.
2. No productivity. This is not a ābusiness retreatā (those are great too!). Itās not time for strategic planning or even writing projects. Itās time to visit with yourself.
3. Follow your natural rhythms. Consider removing all clocks and allow your body to tell you when to sleep, wake, and eat.
4. Eat nourishing foods. No alcohol, which numbs feelings.
The Benefits of a Solitude Retreat
Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakes.
-Carl Jung
The world is, at best, a distracting place. At worst, itās overwhelming and soul-crushing. In any case, withdrawing from the stimulation of the outer world to attend to your inner world is a gift we should all give ourselves from time to time.
The benefits you might take away from a Solitude Retreat include:
Resetting your nervous system
Finding clarity
New insights and even revelations
Connecting to your spiritual nature and the Divine
Reflecting on past burdens, finding healing
Resolve around a future intention or action
For those of you who, like me, delight in alone time, this Solitude Retreat thing might sound pretty appealing so far.
For those who think it sounds like the most insufferably boring way to spend two days of your life, I see you.
Solitude is not inherently better than social connection and active engagement in the world ā not by a long shot. But many of us spend a disproportionate amount of energy and attention āout thereā (caring for people, delivering at work, even consuming media) and neglect the space right here inside of us.
A Solitude Retreat balances the scales a bit and gives you access to parts of you that donāt get much attention in daily life.
For what itās worth, the inverse is true for fiercely independent types. An Enneagram 5, for instance, may not be stretched at all by a Solitude Retreat and instead might seek out a group experience of some kind to expand their development. (Iām doing this one in June: The Alchemical Enneagram.)
How to Spend Time at a Solitude Retreat
***** And then, all the and thens ceased. Nothing remains to be done in the Order of time, when all is still. - Hafiz *****
In our over-scheduled lives, we often long for more margin and spaciousness. But give us two full days with zero structure, and we might feel a bit panicky.
In the early years of my Annual Solitude Retreat, I overdid structure. Desperate to squeeze the maximum amount of impact out of these two days, I went through an elaborate reflection and goal-setting process using the Powersheets system. I achieved the heck out of those retreats.
Thankfully, my therapist astutely pointed out that I might not be receiving the richest possible gifts of this solitude time. I was orienting the experience towards what I wanted to go back out into the world and DO, rather than going inward, experiencing stillness, and allowing for emergence.
Nowadays, I make a menu of options when I get to my retreat, and then I just follow my intuition, doing whatever I feel drawn to each moment. Hereās a sample menu:
āLay down the burdensā writing exercise (write down everything Iāve brought into the space: worries, struggles, swirling thoughts)
Journal
Walk in nature
Pray, meditate, or engage in other spiritual practices
Sit by the lake
Read (but I do this in moderation with more reflective activitiesā¦Iām at risk of escaping into my books to avoid the uncomfortable feelings I need to process)
Stare out the window
Guided reflection activity like Hello/Goodbye
Write poetry
Spiritual Texts and Tools: I love my spiritual smorgasbord of the Bible, these Art & Wisdom Cards, and the ancient Chinese wisdom text called the iChing
Make art
Do a puzzle
Trust that what is meant to emerge in this time will emerge. It may or may not be earth-shattering. Stay present with yourself and your experience. Embrace the slow, understated nature of retreating.
What to Bring on a Solitude Retreat
Having retreated regularly for over a decade, Iāve developed a trusty list of what to pack for a lovely experience:
Big, comfy pillow for propping up in bed
Fuzzy blanket
Lap desk
Spiritual Texts and Tools
Poetry
Books to read
Journal and pens
Puzzle
Art Supplies
Candles
Flowers
Easy prep food (although some retreat centers, like Pacem in Terris, will provide food)
P.S. The hardest part of my Solitude Retreat is foregoing my latte habit for two days. Iām forced to survive on mere coffee with cream. I tell myself this counts as a spiritual practice, like fasting.
Tempted to Get Away?
Iām curious to hear from you in the Comments!
If youāve done a Solitude Retreat, what was your experience? Any tips?
Are you curious to try a Solitude Retreat, and why? Any hesitations?
Thatās it for this edition of The Diving Board! See you next time.
Know a friend who might enjoy this post?
"Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakes." Damn! I know that's not you, but this kind of stuff makes me want to become a philosopher, poet, or maybe just a tawdry meme writer.
This was a beautiful piece, one again, Claire. Great to learn about how your solitude retreats have evolved, and why.
Since this was my first panicked thought, āWait, is the phone OFF off, or just on airplane mode?ā, sounds like a solitude retreat would be good for me. It would be a stretch to limit myself to the list of activities (or non-activities) youāve suggestedā¦but Iām feeling more open to it now. I typically need a few days to turn off my mind and productivity, so this accelerated timeline is a good just-scary-enough challenge.