🌊 The Plunge #5: Morning Routines, Hypothetically

Plus, American Fiction, mixology, and the puppy dog face that slayed me

Like this post? Tap the heart icon above.

---

I wake while the sun still sleeps. I tiptoe down the stairs, gingerly avoiding that one creaky spot on the bottom step so as not to wake my kids. I bundle up and head out for my morning walk, which takes me through the woods and to the lakeshore. I sit for a while, joined by the sunrise, breathing deeply, writing poetry, connecting to myself and to Spirit. Eventually, something stirs in me, goading me back home. My kids play quietly or color sweetly while I read, sipping my homemade latte until it’s time to get us all groomed and off to work and school.

And then I wake up, because THAT was a dream. A dream in which I am Mary Oliver.

My real morning plays out more like this:

Yes, I saw this napkin at the same delightful gift shop where I found the coaster from last week’s post.

I wake while the sun still sleeps. (That part is true! I’m an early riser.)

Prone and groggy, I try to resist the temptation to scroll through my phone’s news feed or check my email. Sometimes I succeed, while other times I waste 30 minutes ensuring the happenings of the outside world have me depressed and anxious before my feet even hit the floor.

If I’m taking care of myself, I get up and complete a 10-minute neck stretching routine I learned at physical therapy to keep my desk-worker-spinal-dysfunction at bay. If I skip it, I pay the price around 2:30 p.m.

After that, I do bundle up and head out, but not for a dreamy lakeside stroll. No, I am driving to get my Starbucks Flat White, a morning routine which costs me an obscene amount of money in the course of a year. But I love it so, so much.

If my kids are awake when I get back, we exchange nuzzles and squeezes, and then they return to PBS Kids.

Here’s where the variability comes in. The next part of my morning severely depends on my overall mental state and the heaviness of my current workload. If I’m in a slower season or I’m feeling like the model of mental health, I spend time on spiritual practices, meditation or breathwork, reading, or journaling. I may head back down to the couch to snuggle my kids for a while.

However, if life or my nervous system is set to “overdrive”, which is much of the time, then I GET TO WORK, PEOPLE. TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE.

I work on this newsletter, I slog through my inbox, or I do “mom work” like birthday party planning or summer camp research. Sometimes, by 8 a.m., I’ve already logged a solid 2.5 hours of task domination. I’m not proud of it. (Who am I kidding? In the moment, I’m totally proud of it.)

What Is My Problem?

Before you judge me too harshly for working so hard, so early, allow me to defend myself.

1. I almost NEVER work in the evenings. I am toast after 7 p.m., no joke. We get our kids to bed around 8, and then I lay in bed and read until I fall asleep, often by 9. I like to think that by going to bed early and working early, I am just honoring my body’s natural rhythms, or “chronoworking”, as this article encourages.

2. My family has a lot going on in the realms of medical care and mental & behavioral health. Even though my husband and I share the load on this, I still typically have 4-6 hours of appointments (including drive time) every week that interfere with my work day, plus additional tasks that come with having a special needs kid. Working in the early morning is the only way I get close to logging an actual 40-hour week, ok?

Defenses aside, the truth is, I am a hard-core over-achiever type, through and through. (If you know the Enneagram, I am a Type 3.)

I wake up each day to a siren song of productive possibilities. Start now, the voice sings, and you can conquer the galaxy by 5 p.m. An antsy, buzzy sensation revs up the minute I open my eyes, a motor that stays with me, driving me, yet also driving me crazy. Often, this motor makes it feel impossible to start my day with anything other than productivity.

So, when I’m not centered and well, my To Do List is my master, my lord, my despot. I obey it at all costs. And sometimes, the costs are high.

Hypothetical Morning Practices – For Me and For You

At the end of last year, that buzzy motor had taken me to a pretty unhealthy place. One December morning, lying in bed, preparing myself to SEIZE THE DAY, a phrase popped into my mind:

Ease the way before you seize the day.

And that cheesy little rhyme became my inspiration to aim for more consistent morning routines this year. (I give myself a C+ so far. Old habits die hard.)

If, like me, you need a little more easing of the way in the mornings, I pulled together a list (did you know I adore lists?) of Morning Practices for us all. Hypothetically, we will do some of them, some of the time.

If you’re going to hurkle durkle, do it on purpose (and phone-lessly). Hurkle durkle is an old Scottish term that means “to lounge around in bed long after you should have got up”. I’m not saying you should hop out of bed right away, but I’ve found that there’s a certain kind of hurkle durkling that makes me feel like utter crap, and it’s mindlessly scrolling on my phone while saying, “I really should stop”. Hurkle durkling can be a lovely form of self-care – just fill the time with something more life-giving than phone-scrolling (gratitude practice, prayer, deep breathing, reading). If having your phone near your bed is too tempting, plug it in across the room and get one of these contraptions if you need an alarm (you can find them at Radio Shack, I mean Amazon.)

“Quiet Time”, minus the guilt. One benefit of growing up as a church kid is I learned the importance of “Quiet Time” from an early age. In the evangelical world, “Quiet Time” is the moral imperative to start your day with something holy and hushed, like reading the Bible or praying, or else Jesus will frown at you at 8:00 a.m. I’ve evolved how I think about “Quiet Time” over the years, but my upbringing did create a little groove in my young brain that doing something reflective and grounding in the morning matters. Try a spiritual practice, meditation (Insight Timer is a free app with lots of guided meditations), or read something that slows you down and reconnects you with your “why”.

Breathwork. This is a new one I’m trying! Traditional meditation (emptying the mind while sitting mind-numbingly still) is hard for me (see “buzzy motor” above). While I’ve practiced meditation on and off, I avoid it like the plague, but I know I need to slow down. So, I’m working with Kathy Jankowski to learn “Coherent Breathing” to ground myself and regulate my nervous system early in the day. My consistency has been spotty so far, but I like the technique. You can also find lots of breathwork options on Insight Timer.

Early to bed, early to rise. Ben Franklin already told you this, so I won’t belabor the point. This article tells you how to apply the mantra if it works for your body clock. Bottom line - I’m a big fan of getting as much sleep as my body needs, and I also love early mornings. I go to bed early, and I don’t use an alarm. I wake up naturally because I’ve gotten into a rhythm that my body clock genuinely thrives on.

Parents, trade off morning duty. My husband loves to sleep in. I love to get up with the birds for “me time” (and that Flat White) before the sun comes up. Early in our parenting years, we created a schedule where we trade off who’s “on” with the kids and who gets to have their morning “off” and use it as they will. It’s glorious. Highly recommend.

20m Reading Timer. I got this trick from Laura Tremaine, and I use it in the morning and at other times of the day. If you love to read but don’t pick up books as often as you’d like because you feel you need a big chunk of Luxurious Reading Time that never arrives, set a 20m timer on your phone. Pick up a book, read until the timer goes off, then go on with your busy day, if you must.

Journaling & Soul Writing. Journaling is one of the best ways to ground yourself, process big emotions and swirling thoughts, and generally be your best self. Heteronormative men – I’m talking to you, too. This podcast episode on “Journaling for Grownups” (thanks again, Laura Tremaine!) has some great tips, or you might try the popular “Morning Pages” technique from The Artist’s Way. Alternately, sign up for a Soul Writing mini-session to learn how to write your heart out in just 10m a day.

The Miracle Morning. This popular book has been game-changing for many. The Miracle Morning outlines a 6-part practice called SAVERS to make your mornings amazing. Even if you don’t follow the steps exactly, you’ll still get some great ideas. Another recent book on this topic I haven’t yet read is The 5AM Club – if you’ve read it, tell us what you think in the comments.

Movement. For those who struggle to sit still – or maybe for those who sit still a tad too much – get moving in the morning. Walking. Yoga. Tai Chi (something else I’m learning from Kathy Jankowski). Or Orange Theory, if you want to be punished.

Do your Morning Routines at night. Wait, what? I mean it. If you are absolutely not a morning person and want to sleep as long as humanly possible, but you know you need more intentional rest and reflection in your life – pick some practices from this list and do them before bed, instead.

But Most Importantly…

Morning Practices can help you live better, starting at sunrise. But ultimately, even more than finding the right practices and routines, this “living better” requires an inner shift. It requires releasing a bit of productivity and pavement-pounding (or whatever your autopilot defaults to) to make space for consciousness and connection.

Annie Dillard famously said, “How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives”. I also suspect that how we start our days has a lot to do with how we spend our lives.

So, here’s to the sunrise.

A 7-Morning Challenge – Join Me?

I’m ravenously curious to hear how you spend your mornings, so I really hope to hear from you in the comments today. What morning practices do you love?

I’m now going to cast you - possibly against your will? - as my Accountability Partners for the next week. (Thanks bunches!) I’m making a public commitment to start my next 7 days with one of the practices above - Coherent Breathing - and I’ll report back next week on how it went!

Want to join me? What Morning Practice(s) will you try for the next 7 days? Could be something you already do, or a new thing to explore. Tell us in the comments.

---

At one of the Soul Writing mini-retreats I referenced above, we were given the writing prompt, “The first thing I see…”. What came out of my pen feels appropriate to share today, given our topic.

The first thing I see….with my mind’s eye, head still merged with pillow, dream-state still fading, is an eternally scrolling list.

The list says things like, Follow up with Dr. Golnik, Send flowers for Mother’s Day, and even the absurdly obvious Drink water. What it says most loudly is, “Quick! Get out of bed and seize the damn day! The seconds are ticking by, and you haven’t a moment to lose.”

And so already, I am tired, before I have even opened my eyes and adjusted to the day’s light sneaking past the curtain’s edge. Already, I am overwhelmed, I am behind, and I am flirting with failure, lost in a maelstrom of minutiae.

Oy vey. I’m intense. But maybe I’m not alone?

---

📚 🎬 OMG, OMG, do you identify as a book lover who also enjoy movies? Wow, me, too!!! Have you seen the Oscar-nominated movie American Fiction? I watched it this weekend, and it delighted me to no end. Here’s the plot: Monk, an African-American author fed up with the publishing industry’s appetite for trope-filled “black fiction”, adopts a pseudonym and writes just such a book to expose the industry’s absurdity. What unfolds next is preposterous, provocative, and funny as heck. This movie makes a statement, yes, but one that is astute, nuanced, and will certainly make you think and think again.  

🍸 We hosted friends recently and they asked about my fancy cocktail shaker and the fun drink I made, which made me realize you probably want to know about these things, too. The cocktail shaker (on sale bigtime right now) is air-tight (aka, spray-proof) and includes built-in measuring lines so you don’t need a separate measuring cup. If you don’t drink alcohol, you can make fun mocktails in this gadget, too. For my friends, I made a Spicy Tommy, which I discovered in the same place I find all kinds of fun cocktails: the app Bartender’s Choice. Props to my brother-in-law J.D., who gave me this cocktail shaker as a gift and told me about this app. Just don’t drink so much that you can’t get up for your hypothetical Morning Routines, ok? No ads or affiliate links here.¹

---

This weekend my kids wanted something, and I said no. Then they made these faces, and I said yes.

As you can see, my daughter has tight little corkscrew curls that are just darling (if I do say so myself). But of course, she longs for straight hair, because, human nature. This weekend her Auntie Steph, a fellow curly girl, took her to a salon for a mutual hair straightening date. She was enamored of her reflection, and she looks so grown up! 😭

As for me, I’m looking forward to a 2-day solo writing & business retreat next week. I’ve got some finishing touches to put on my book proposal so I can start shopping for an agent and publisher. Then, I’ll turn my attention to website updates to integrate both the work I already do (Coaching, Team Development, Leadership Development) with the work I’m adding this year (Writing, Speaking, Podcast appearances). Wish me luck!

---

That’s a wrap for today! Thanks for reading The Diving Board. Please share with a friend or colleague that would enjoy this newsletter.

Now, get back in there!

1. While I wish The Diving Board were already so popular that businesses were begging me to feature their products in exchange for cash, that idea is just comically far off from reality. Nonetheless, just to be clear, nothing I’m recommending in The Diving Board is an ad or affiliate link. I just like stuff and tell you about it. If that ever changes, you’ll be the first to know.